so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
