A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
