Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
