my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ketchup is God's man juice
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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