my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
