Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
