You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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