i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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