Yo dont text me then not text me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
