Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize