i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
