tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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