It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
