went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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