His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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