I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
