There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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