Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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