Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize