U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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