you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
