actually, I'm a sock model
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
