Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
