too bad you live with your parents still
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
