but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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