u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
