New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
