I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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