woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize