He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
