you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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