First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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