He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
