Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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