I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
