why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize