dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
