Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
