they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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