she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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