My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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