I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
