its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
