Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
