you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wanna go halves on a baby?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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