I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
