I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
