I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
