wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
