Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize