this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
