last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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