Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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