guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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