Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
