Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
