Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
