i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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