btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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