He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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