how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
