I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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