hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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