I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
