Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
